It’s a grey day here on the river today, with snow falling for the past 24 hours now. I have been reflecting today on losing something you think you found but really didn’t. In the blink of an eye, the sun shone through the clouds and lifted my heart up into the heavens, and I basked it’s warm and comfortable embrace…

And then it slipped away, back through the clouds and left me bereft of understanding as to where it went. But, alas, I do know that nothing in life is ever permanent. We struggle with loss and grief, and naturally we should. We learn from loss and grief, and naturally we should. And then, we move on.

Life is the grand hall of learning. It shapes who we are, and leaves us all with indelible impressions, called memories, that give us pause to reflect. We can reflect on the sadness, but we must always remember the joy.

(Photo: Parker River National Wildlife Refuge Afternoon ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2011)

As I sit here at my desk watching the snow fall on the river today I think this question and advice from Neale Donald Walsch is apt…

How long has it been since you paid attention – real attention – to your soul? There are many ways to nourish the soul, but you often must stop, just simply stop, life as you are living it…if only for an hour or a day or a week…and take some time to gift to your soul. Or, more accurately, to allow your soul to gift to you. ~~ Neale Donald Walsch

Always take time for you…

A short time after publishing my earlier post today, Live With Sorrow, I looked out of my desk window to check on my little yellow crocus that have been blooming sporadically for over a week now and found they had some companions… Some lovely white crocus had also bloomed.

As I hobbled down my driveway, camera in hand, I was filled with joy knowing that more of the crocus I had planted last fall were poking their pretty little petals out in the sun.

It’s true that the smallest and simplest things can fill our hearts with joy. For me flowers have always been a great source of joy. I spent 20 years working as a floral designer and although the long hours during the holiday seasons were rough, the work itself was always filled with joy. It never ceased to amaze me during those 20 years, that I could look at a bunch of white daises, or red roses, or pink carnations and find that one perfect flower that made me say, “wow.”

Joy is all around us… Even in times of deep sorrow, we must open our eyes to see, open our ears to hear and let it the joy flow into us every day.

(Photo: Crocus On The River ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

Today, I look to the colors of nature to remind me of how colorful and rich my own life is. I have been so blessed throughout my life, with the gift of not only colorful family and friends, but also a colorful and diverse life that has filled my soul with so much appreciation for all the colors of nature and inspires bountiful creative energy. I am grateful. ~~ Pamela J. Leavey

(Photo: Berries, Brambles & Trees with Smudgestick Effect ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

We wait with anxious excitement as Winter wanes, for early signs of Spring.

This Winter has been so unseasonably warm and we’ve had no significant snow what-so-ever.

Today I discovered the first signs of early Spring in my front perrenial garden…

Three little newly sprouted yellow crocuses:

I could see signs of more crocuses sprouting through the garden, that sorely needs to be cleaned up… Keep sprouting little crocuses… I look forward to your purple friends to show their faces soon.

(Photo: Yellow Crocus on Point Shore in Amesbury, MA ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey ~ February 19, 2012)

When the heart and soul are weary with worries and cares, we think often to wall our selves in and in truth we sometimes build a dam around our selves. But that dam we build to shut out the world and worries that have dragged us down, also shuts out the light.

Today, I re-mind myself that in the light I am healed.

Today, I re-mind myself that no walls, no dam can hold me in or keep me down.

(Photo: Beaver Dam at Hellcat Swamp, Parker River Wildlife Refuge ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

Fill your day with love…

(Photo: Winter Sky at the Parker River National Wildlife Refuge ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

A deep contemplation today from J. Krishnamurti…

Awareness of outward things

If you are aware of outward things—the curve of a road, the shape of a tree, the colour of another’s dress, the outline of the mountains against a blue sky, the delicacy of a flower, the pain on the face of a passerby, the ignorance, the envy, the jealousy of others, the beauty of the earth—then, seeing all these outward things without condemnation, without choice, you can ride on the tide of inner awareness. Then you will become aware of your own reactions, of your own pettiness, of your own jealousies. From the outward awareness, you come to the inward; but if you are not aware of the outer, you cannot possibly come to the inner… When there is inward awareness of every activity of your mind and your body; when you are aware of your thoughts, of your feelings, both secret and open, conscious and unconscious, then out of this awareness there comes a clarity that is not induced, not put together by the mind. ~~ J. Krishnamurti: The Collected Works vol XV p 243

What do you see when you look around you… And how do you feel when you see it… I believe that “ride on the tide of inner awareness” we must see everything with an open heart that radiates love.

(Photo: Young Mute Swans at the Artichoke River Reservior ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

In the midst of my imposed immobility, I occasionally get sprung from the sanctuary that I call home, and I am whisked away for drive through the Parker River National Wildlife Refuge.

The winter days have been so unseasonably warm over the past few weeks and my soul craves the sun and fresh air, not to mention some good bird sightings as well.

On my most recent excursion to the Refuge, which truly is the most marvelous stronghold for my soul, we were lucky to find a lovely White Egret sunning near two Mute Swans. Suddenly the White Egret took to flight and it was spectacular to witness it’s ascent into the skies.

I wish my camera did better justice to the majesty of watching this lovely bird in flight… I’m was filled with gratitude with the blessing of just quietly witnessing it’s presence.

(Photo: White Egret in Flight ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

I have alluded here from time to time that I have been on a path filled with struggles in recent weeks. It has been a time that many would call, the dark nights of the soul, referring to a time in one’s life when spiritual practice and discipline suddenly loses all it’s experiential value.

This particular journey through the dark nights of the soul started for me when I had what then seemed like a minor fall in my driveway, on the last full moon, January 8 ~ the Wolf Moon.

That fall however, coupled with other concurring trials and tribulations, has managed to turn my world upside down and leave my soul weary and wondering. Try as I may day by day, hour by hour, and at times minute by minute, I ask for answers and I am, most oft left wanting.

Yet, there are times through it all, when I know that the universe has some mighty plans for me in this time of darkness, and I see a spark of light beckon through the darkness. I have watched the moon as it goes through it’s phases and as she began to wax, I began to feel my strength waxing with the her.

In a recent moment of clarity a few days ago, when faced with yet another trial, I knew that the intuitive, empath in me had in fact been feeling the wound resting in the vessel of a dear one. Learning what I had, some of my suffering then became clearer. And, in that moment of clarity, I thanked the Mother Goddess/Holy Mother and the Grandmother Moon for guiding me, nurturing my soul and feeding my heart with their wisdom. Yes, they were listening…

Then like balm to the weary soul, the Grandmother and the Mother guided me back into the light with their strong, nurturing voices ringing clear in the darkness…

Rise Up. Rise Up… You are not alone in your struggles. The Mother hears… She listens.

Daughter, you must know that these are the tests of time… And you have weathered for worse than this on your journey through this life.

Tired as you may be, you must Rise Up, because you have work to do. There are those who need the healing and wisdom of which you have been gifted…

So… Rise Up. Rise Up… The moon is full once again and you have been replenished in it’s ethereal light.

And so they spoke to me, the Great Mother Goddess and the Grandmother Moon and I felt my strength slowly return. Still I know, needed as I am, there will be more dark nights before the tests of time are through…

I believe, there are times in each of our lives that take us each into the dark nights of the soul. But, no matter how dark the nights may seem, no matter how bleak the circumstances are, no matter how deep the despair, call out to her…

Call out to the Holy Mother and she will be there to wrap you in her arms of love and comfort you. The dark nights will pass. There will be light.

And, remember too, to look to the Grandmother Moon when she is full, as she is tonight (Snow Moon) and bask in her glow… For she has come to guide you back from the dark nights of the soul…

Blessed Be…

(Photo credits: Wolf Moon ~ c. Jerry Blackburn 2012 & Snow Moon ~ c. Jerry Blackburn 2012.)