A deep contemplation today from J. Krishnamurti…

Awareness of outward things

If you are aware of outward things—the curve of a road, the shape of a tree, the colour of another’s dress, the outline of the mountains against a blue sky, the delicacy of a flower, the pain on the face of a passerby, the ignorance, the envy, the jealousy of others, the beauty of the earth—then, seeing all these outward things without condemnation, without choice, you can ride on the tide of inner awareness. Then you will become aware of your own reactions, of your own pettiness, of your own jealousies. From the outward awareness, you come to the inward; but if you are not aware of the outer, you cannot possibly come to the inner… When there is inward awareness of every activity of your mind and your body; when you are aware of your thoughts, of your feelings, both secret and open, conscious and unconscious, then out of this awareness there comes a clarity that is not induced, not put together by the mind. ~~ J. Krishnamurti: The Collected Works vol XV p 243

What do you see when you look around you… And how do you feel when you see it… I believe that “ride on the tide of inner awareness” we must see everything with an open heart that radiates love.

(Photo: Young Mute Swans at the Artichoke River Reservior ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

In the midst of my imposed immobility, I occasionally get sprung from the sanctuary that I call home, and I am whisked away for drive through the Parker River National Wildlife Refuge.

The winter days have been so unseasonably warm over the past few weeks and my soul craves the sun and fresh air, not to mention some good bird sightings as well.

On my most recent excursion to the Refuge, which truly is the most marvelous stronghold for my soul, we were lucky to find a lovely White Egret sunning near two Mute Swans. Suddenly the White Egret took to flight and it was spectacular to witness it’s ascent into the skies.

I wish my camera did better justice to the majesty of watching this lovely bird in flight… I’m was filled with gratitude with the blessing of just quietly witnessing it’s presence.

(Photo: White Egret in Flight ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

I have alluded here from time to time that I have been on a path filled with struggles in recent weeks. It has been a time that many would call, the dark nights of the soul, referring to a time in one’s life when spiritual practice and discipline suddenly loses all it’s experiential value.

This particular journey through the dark nights of the soul started for me when I had what then seemed like a minor fall in my driveway, on the last full moon, January 8 ~ the Wolf Moon.

That fall however, coupled with other concurring trials and tribulations, has managed to turn my world upside down and leave my soul weary and wondering. Try as I may day by day, hour by hour, and at times minute by minute, I ask for answers and I am, most oft left wanting.

Yet, there are times through it all, when I know that the universe has some mighty plans for me in this time of darkness, and I see a spark of light beckon through the darkness. I have watched the moon as it goes through it’s phases and as she began to wax, I began to feel my strength waxing with the her.

In a recent moment of clarity a few days ago, when faced with yet another trial, I knew that the intuitive, empath in me had in fact been feeling the wound resting in the vessel of a dear one. Learning what I had, some of my suffering then became clearer. And, in that moment of clarity, I thanked the Mother Goddess/Holy Mother and the Grandmother Moon for guiding me, nurturing my soul and feeding my heart with their wisdom. Yes, they were listening…

Then like balm to the weary soul, the Grandmother and the Mother guided me back into the light with their strong, nurturing voices ringing clear in the darkness…

Rise Up. Rise Up… You are not alone in your struggles. The Mother hears… She listens.

Daughter, you must know that these are the tests of time… And you have weathered for worse than this on your journey through this life.

Tired as you may be, you must Rise Up, because you have work to do. There are those who need the healing and wisdom of which you have been gifted…

So… Rise Up. Rise Up… The moon is full once again and you have been replenished in it’s ethereal light.

And so they spoke to me, the Great Mother Goddess and the Grandmother Moon and I felt my strength slowly return. Still I know, needed as I am, there will be more dark nights before the tests of time are through…

I believe, there are times in each of our lives that take us each into the dark nights of the soul. But, no matter how dark the nights may seem, no matter how bleak the circumstances are, no matter how deep the despair, call out to her…

Call out to the Holy Mother and she will be there to wrap you in her arms of love and comfort you. The dark nights will pass. There will be light.

And, remember too, to look to the Grandmother Moon when she is full, as she is tonight (Snow Moon) and bask in her glow… For she has come to guide you back from the dark nights of the soul…

Blessed Be…

(Photo credits: Wolf Moon ~ c. Jerry Blackburn 2012 & Snow Moon ~ c. Jerry Blackburn 2012.)

Through the web of the bare branches of the trees and the electrical wires, this sky was such a gift to watch outside of my desk windows a few nights ago…

I am always grateful for the ever-changing canvas that is the sky.

(Photo: My Evening Sky at Point Shore ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

Sometimes the universe heaps so much unsavory matter in our lives, we feel swallowed up by the enormity of it all. It is there, we are in times of deepest despair and sorrow, brought to our knees. Some of us, come to know this time as the Dark Nights of the Soul.

It is here, we lay our troubles ahead of us like an unknown path to a destination that was not on our agenda. Crippled we find ourselves unable to walk the path and find the answers waiting in the light.

But trust we must, that the answers to our questions will be answered if we still our hearts and minds and listen.

It is there in the still of the dark night, that we cry out in anguish that life is so unfair. We weary of the thought of carrying on, because we have been worn down by so much grief.

And so in the darkness, we take one small step at a time, towards the light, with trust and faith that we will be encompassed with the ever glorious light of the universe.

Though the journey might be tough and and the process slower than we wished, we must all take this journey at times in our lives, because it is on this journey that we learn the lessons necessary and gain the strength to move forward in our lives.

The light is there… Trust we must.

(Photo: Parker River Sunset ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

This quote caught my eye earlier today…

Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy. ~~ W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor’s Edge, 1943

Reflecting on the subject of taking delight in something “while we have it,” I think back to times of great joy. We know instinctively in the midst of sheer joy, that that joy will not last forever, but we still revel in it while it is happening.

And then, is that joy not our solace, when we slip down into a period of the dark nights of soul. It is there, lost in the dark nights of soul, that we reflect deepest sometimes. And that reflection at first can appear messy, like the reflection of the clouds amidst the winter trees in the marshes.

Difficult as the path may seem, it is taking the journey through the dark nights of the soul that clears our hearts and allows us to find strength in the notion that “nothing in the world is permanent.”

(Photo: Reflection In Hellcat Swamp ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2011)

It’s been three and a half weeks since I last walked On The Parker River Path. The beaver dam pictured above was a familiar sight as we hiked Hellcat Swamp at the Parker River National Wildlife Refuge.

I learned while walking the Parker River Path to watch for nature’s changes each hike, as nature’s changes were life’s changes.

Sometimes we build a dam around us for protection. Sometimes we soar over the trees filled with joy. There are days when our lives are filled with turbulent winds and days when we light up like the sun.

I keep the lessons of the Parker River Path close to my heart right now, until I can walk that path again. The lessons of the Parker River Path give me faith that the Great Mother Goddess is always with us. She is the primal heartbeat within us all.

Taken earlier this month at the Parker River National Wildlife Refuge… A Rough Legged Hawk in flight…

Sitting at my desk today, watching the rain pour down on the Merrimack River, I wish I could be like this lovely raptor, in flight.

(Photo: Rough Legged Hawk in Flight ~~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)

Reflections…

As I have mentioned here previously, it’s not easy for me to stay down. I’m working hard at this time to “be in the moment and go with the flow” although going with the flow, feels quite a bit like swimming upstream… or worse, being caught up in a whirlpool.

I have plenty of time right now for inner reflection… As the universe has grounded me for a while. Given the fact that I’m stuck at home unable to drive I’m reading 3 wonderful books that I would recommend for anyone who’s looking to read good “food for thought” books:

• Untie the Strong Woman: Blessed Mother’s Immaculate Love for the Wild Soul ~~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes
• The Gift of Change: Spiritual Guidance for Living Your Best Life ~~ Marianne Williamson
• Beyond Religion: Ethics for a Whole World ~~ His Holiness The Dalai Lama

I somehow missed reading Marianne Williamson’s The Gift of Change when it was first published a few years ago. I’ve long been a fan of Marianne’s books and lectures. Early in my years spent living in Los Angeles, I frequently went to her lectures at the Wilshire Ebell in the ’90′s. Reading it now comes to me at a profound time of change. It’s helped to re-mind me of many of the spiritual lessons I have learned over the years studying A Course In Miracles, Buddhism, Shamanism and the Goddess.

Women Who Run with the Wolves was published around the time I started to seek out spiritual knowledge, particularly focused on the Goddess and female Shamanism at the time. Clarissa Pinkola Estes long awaited new book, Untie the Strong Woman does not disappoint. I’m not far into Untie the Strong Woman yet… I will try to write more about it, as I am reading it.

Last night, I just lightly began to delve in the Dalai Lama’s new book, Beyond Religion: Ethics for a Whole World and so far I’m loving the message.

We all need to take time in our lives to reflect on our lives and free ourselves from past ties that bind us. It’s about slowing down and listening to the messages that the universe has for us… Often seen in reflections if you slow down enough to look at them.

On the Parker River Path, the vista is in constant flux… much like our own lives…

(Photo: Parker River National Wildlife Refuge ~~ c. Pamele J. Leavey 2011)