December 2, 2015
“If the sun isn’t shining in your ‘hood today, make certain it is shining in your heart!” – Pamela Leavey
December 1, 2015
There are days when we struggle to see the light for the weight of the troubles in our lives feels as though it draws a curtain down before our eyes, shielding us from the light that surely would lift our spirits. Today, I re-mind myself that the light is all around me. Sometimes I simply need to look a little harder to find it. And so it is… I look for the light in even the darkest places, despite the heaviness in my heart, for I know that the light will fill my soul with joy.
Namaste… Pamela
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November 30, 2015
Today, I remind myself that there is a beautiful spirit in all of us. I ask today that I may recognize the beautiful spirit that shines in every person I meet. I seek to honor their presence in my life, no matter how fleeting. I affirm today that there are beautiful people all around me in this life, I honor those people and their beautiful spirits.
Namaste… Pamela
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November 27, 2015
Change starts from within. Today, I will tackle at least one thing I have procrastinated over for far too long. I am reminded today, that every day there are opportunities to shift my perspective and create change in my life. I am the force that makes a difference in my own life. No one can change my life unless I am open to change. And so it is that I commit today to change my habits in positive ways. And so it is that I commit today to get things done that I have put off or procrastinated over. I recognize the need for change in my life. I open my heart and mind, to let change in. Change starts from with in and intent makes manifest…
Namaste… Pamela
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November 25, 2015
Today, let me remember to share three very important words with all of the people in my life who are important to me. Today, let me remember to say “I Love You,” for those are words we all need to hear each and every day. Today, I step back and let the love in my heart lead the way with all relationships.
Namaste… Pamela
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November 24, 2015
Letting Go and Holding On is a four-part short memoir essay, which is part of a larger creative non-fiction project that I am working on…
Part Four:
“What was it,” I asked myself, “that kept me hanging on to a faint hope that barely had a glimmer of light on the surface?” Was it the darkness in his soul that reminded me of my own darkness? He was a complex man, and I a complex woman. The danger signs had always been there. But it was never intentional. Like two schooners passing in the bay, we each tossed out a lifeline and we became entangled. Entangled and then trapped in some all-encompassing soul drama of unfulfilled emotion and passion.
It wrenched at my sensibilities with all of the weight of the dozens of boxes of books I carried with me each time I moved. There were words in those boxes of books. Words I could not express, but someone else did. There were words in those boxes. Words of love, words of wisdom, words of pain, words of self-discovery, words of social significance. Those were all the words I struggled to share and I clung to them like a lover waiting for her romance to blossom and grow as a rose grows in warm sun.
How does one find the strength to let go of something that one does not possess but holds dear? How does one stop memories that flood the mind like a tidal wave each day, rolling in and out of the heart like thunder across the plain? This existence seems barren and cold without the desired one… Yet there is no basis, is there, for the desire? Is it love or is it the illusion of love that is so attractive? Is it the man or the illusion of the man that is so attractive? These are the questions I ask myself daily and I have as yet to find an answer for them.
And still, I hold on, clinging to the vine of desire as though it were a lifeline tossed over the edge of the precipice while I dangle like a fish on a hook, waiting, waiting, waiting for he who may never return. I covet that which I cannot have and I covet that which I do not need. It is a paradox is it not. The paradox of holding on to things that one may no longer need or want. The paradox of life at any age in which you realize you have unfilled connections, desires and emotions. These are the things that haunt me.
These are the things that I pack in my boxes and haul about with me. They are not my baggage, they are my stuff and they are my dreams. These are the things I allow myself to wallow in, wishing for something more than I have. Understanding that connections made on the map of the universe, must be played out, despite the pain. From these things, I learn every day. And so, I keep them close. All the stuffs and the man. For now. Because I am learning from them. “When the learning stops, I will let them go,” I say to myself. Until then I hold on; I pack them up again in boxes again and again, hauling the weight of boxes of books and rocks and unrequited love with me wherever I go.
The End… Maybe.
- Letting Go or Holding On: Part One
- Letting Go or Holding On: Part Two
- Letting Go or Holding On: Part Three
Stay tuned for Nesting on the River.
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