words and pictures....
April 30, 2012
Human life is a journey whose end is not in sight. Searching, longing and questioning is in our DNA. Who we are and what we will become is determined by the questions that animate us, and by those we refuse to ask. Your questions are your quest. As you ask, so shall you be. ~ Sam Keen
(Photo: Pamela at
April 26, 2012
I’ve been living alone for the past few months, enjoying it more now that I am no longer constrained by a cast on my right foot. In living alone, I have found, as Krishnamurti notes, a “greater awareness for self-discovery”.
“There is no such thing as living alone, for all living is relationship; but to live without direct relationship demands high intelligence, a swifter and greater awareness for self-discovery.” ~ J. Krishnamurti
Alone in the garden of many…
(Photo: White Tulip with Red Stripes ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)
March 26, 2012
“Acceptance, tolerance and understanding are pivotal to any and all relationships. Today, I will practice these three skills towards everyone whom I meet and come in contact with. Today, I will acknowledge that it is not my job to fix or change anyone. Today, I will acknowledge that everyone is perfect, just the way they are.” ~ Pamela J. Leavey
(Photo: Summer in the Secret Garden ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2011)
March 23, 2012
When we give our heart to someone, we never expect it to get trounced on.
Marianne Williamson says in A Return To Love:
“Love is a participatory emotion.”
It takes two people to participate however… and if one isn’t showing up in that relationship… Well, it wasn’t love to begin with, was it?
(Photo: Osprey’s Nesting at the Parker River National Wildlife Refuge ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)
March 16, 2012
I’ve found it difficult to write over the past few days, my head has been fogged in by a loss for words. It’s been 9 1/2 weeks since I fell in my driveway and ended up with a Lisfranc sprain in my right foot. Finally nearing the end of my initial treatment for the injury, first being in a hard cast for 6 1/2 and then an air cast for 4 1/2 weeks, I head back to the ortho on the 26th and I am hoping he OKs me to start physical therapy.
It’s been a long tough haul… Stuck at home, alone, day after day, unable to drive, dependent on my daughter and some friends to first bring me supplies and then start to get me out of the house occasionally.
My right foot was completely atrophied when the hard cast came off. Much to my chagrin, I did not realize how badly atrophied it was until I slipped out of my air cast and prepared to step in a nice Lavendar scented hot bath. What was I thinking? How am I going to get into this bath tub with no strength in my foot and leg… and worse, how the hell will I get out?
Strength be damned, I was getting in that tub… I grabbed hold of the shower height bar and slid down into the tub. Once in I knew getting out was not going to be easy… So I relaxed into the hot water and gave thanks to have the cast off my foot at last. With visions of having to yell upstairs to my neighbors to help me get out of the tub, I somehow managed to pull myself out and didn’t try that stunt again for a few weeks.
A Lisfranc sprain isn’t a swift healer like some ankle sprains can be. It’s not even a very common injury, 1 in 55,000 a year get a Lisfranc injury… Just my luck. I’d have rather won the lotto, but I don’t gamble. Or do I?
About 2 months before my fall, I gambled. I took a huge leap of fate and trusted the Goddess to guide me as I began to date someone I met online. He was persistent and seemed oh too good to be true and he swept me, the storied Ice Princess off her feet. And that was the beginning of another injurious fall.
First, I fell head over heals for this knight in shining armor who was promising me the world, and then with in a few short weeks, I fell from grace it appeared, as I managed to land myself spread upon my driveway with scrapes, bruises and sprains.
After the fall, the phone calls started to dwindle. There were no more dates, the promises started to fade. The weeks not seeing him stretched into a couple of months and there I dangled like my injured foot, with a heart crushed by the promise of love.
Sometimes life sends us some very difficult lessons and sometimes they come heaped together like a big bowl of stewed troubles. It wasn’t enough I should fall on the ground and sprain my foot… Hell no… I needed to have my heart stomped on too.
My faith was sorely tested in the first weeks of my injuries as I realized that that which I thought I had found was slipping away, as I sat stuck at home alone, unable to drive… trapped like a prisoner in my pain. Loss of freedom, loss of love, wrapped together like the vines of a wicked bramble bush waiting to ensnare.
Ah, but even after injurious falls, life does go on. My strength is finally coming back in the physical sense from my injuries and I drove today for the first time in 9 1/2 weeks. It was liberating…
My heart, I fear will be weary to trust again, for it took so much for me to take that leap. Promises can quickly turn into broken promises. Some are better than others at keeping them. And the ones that can’t keep them, well they really show their trues colors when they bail on someone in need.
I’m still working on figuring out the lessons and hatching ideas of what’s next in my life… Reflecting on what was… Looking forward to brighter days…
(Photo: Berries & Brambles ~ c. Pamela J. Leavey 2012)
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